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Dear Ebby,
What are your views on dating....more so MARRYING outside of your religion? People do it all the time but is it wrong? Can it be possible AND SUCCESSFUL?
Signed,
Xxxxxx
Dear Xxxxxx,
Hmmm... This is an interesting topic and I'm sure there are millions of opinions about it. But you asked for mine, so...
Where do I start? (tapping chin) Do I think it's possible and successful? Sure. But every situation is different. I dated a guy that didn't know what to believe, but he wanted to know more about what I believed and why. Long story shory, while we dated he got saved and now we're married. That's in no way to say that that's what you should do (jump out there and hope for the best). Every religion is different and has different standards, but I believe for the most part they all agree that you should marry someone who is of the same faith and believes in the same precepts and principles that you do, otherwise you are unequally yoked (and that's not only a Christian belief). I know couples from different religious backgrounds that have successful relationships other than the fact that religion, at times, can be a sore spot for them. And then there are couples that respect the other's religious practices and they have a happy home. So this is really all about what you know to be true about your faith and if that's a value that you intend to keep or if it's something that you think may not be as important as finding love. You have to consider how it will affect the upbringing of your children and all. So, the question is... What do you think?
Love,
Ebby
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Dear Ebby: My friend's husband hit on me... Do I tell her?
Dear Ebby,
My best friend of 17 years is married and recently her husband flat out told me that he wanted to **** me. He has always been flirty even while my friend is around and I was a little uncomfortable with it in the first place. But I figured if my friend didn't mind then I wouldn't make it a big deal. So now, this has clearly gone way past flirting and I want to tell my friend about it. But you know how that goes... She might not believe me and try and play it off like he was just joking or it'll be me that's made out to be the whore. So do you think I should tell her? And if so, how do I bring it up?
Signed,
Xxxxxx
Dear Xxxxxx,
SMH... This type of situation really sucks. Because, like you said what if your friend doesn't believe you? I do think that you should tell her though. First of all, you both have been friends for some time and I would hope that she knows you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie to her. Also, you don't want this to come back on you in the future. What if later on down the line he tells her that you were the one hitting on him? Or what if he's being inappropriate with her other friends and they tell her, then you say, "oh yeah, he tried that with me too". She'll want to know why you, being her best friend, never told her. So, maybe invite her out for lunch (and some wine) and bring someone with you, maybe your mom or someone who can serve as a support to both of you and then just say it. After you tell her, you may want to take some time away from the situation and stay away from their home for a bit. Because you have to appreciate that your friend is going to be confused, hurt, angry, you name it-so give her some time to think and regroup. Be there if she needs you, but you both will definitely need some time and room to think.
So, here's a big hug (squeeze). Take a deep breath lovey... It's gonna be fine.
Love,
Ebby
My best friend of 17 years is married and recently her husband flat out told me that he wanted to **** me. He has always been flirty even while my friend is around and I was a little uncomfortable with it in the first place. But I figured if my friend didn't mind then I wouldn't make it a big deal. So now, this has clearly gone way past flirting and I want to tell my friend about it. But you know how that goes... She might not believe me and try and play it off like he was just joking or it'll be me that's made out to be the whore. So do you think I should tell her? And if so, how do I bring it up?
Signed,
Xxxxxx
Dear Xxxxxx,
SMH... This type of situation really sucks. Because, like you said what if your friend doesn't believe you? I do think that you should tell her though. First of all, you both have been friends for some time and I would hope that she knows you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie to her. Also, you don't want this to come back on you in the future. What if later on down the line he tells her that you were the one hitting on him? Or what if he's being inappropriate with her other friends and they tell her, then you say, "oh yeah, he tried that with me too". She'll want to know why you, being her best friend, never told her. So, maybe invite her out for lunch (and some wine) and bring someone with you, maybe your mom or someone who can serve as a support to both of you and then just say it. After you tell her, you may want to take some time away from the situation and stay away from their home for a bit. Because you have to appreciate that your friend is going to be confused, hurt, angry, you name it-so give her some time to think and regroup. Be there if she needs you, but you both will definitely need some time and room to think.
So, here's a big hug (squeeze). Take a deep breath lovey... It's gonna be fine.
Love,
Ebby
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Dear Ebby: I went through his e-mail... Now what do I do?
Dear Ebby,
So, I have been dating this guy off and on for the past 10 years. We started dating in high school and ended up going our seperate ways when we left for college. Now we are both adults and done persuing our degrees and we recently reconnected on Facebook. Everything seemed to be going well at first and about six months into the new relationship things got strange. He had all kinds of women calling him at very inappropriate hours, then I would see comments that random women would make on his page and it all seemed sketchy to me. So one day, although it was an invasion of his privacy, I looked through his phone, e-mails and Facebook inbox and I found EXACTLY what I thought I would. There were naked pictures, sexually explicit conversations with women about what they did and how, and get this... One of those women was one of my best friends that we both grew up with. So my question is, how do I tell him that I know what I know without having to tell him that I invaded his privacy to do it?
Signed,
xxxxxx
Dear Xxxxxx,
First of all, you invading his privacy is now secondary to what you found. It also sounds like the question you want to ask is, "How do I confront him, but not lose the relationship?" Otherwise, you wouldn't care how he felt about you going through his stuff. And if that is the case, then why say anything at all? I have to say this though... You have to prepare yourself for the break-up because this is going to go one of two ways: 1. If you don't say anything, you'll end up being resentful and walking away anyway or 2. If you do say something he might try to turn it around on you and say he's walking away because you invaded his privacy and now it's all your fault. Either way dollface, this is over. So I would take a minute to assess the situation, gather all your facts (as in print out the e-mails and conversations and put it all in a binder and pull it out and kindly slide it over to his side of the table after he vehemently denies said infidelity). Don't confront him looking for an explanation, but confront him with the intent to let him know that you know the truth and decide what you want to do from there. I understand that it may not be that easy to walk away from someone you love, even under these circumstances. But I hope you find the strength to know and understand that you deserve more.
Love,
Ebby
So, I have been dating this guy off and on for the past 10 years. We started dating in high school and ended up going our seperate ways when we left for college. Now we are both adults and done persuing our degrees and we recently reconnected on Facebook. Everything seemed to be going well at first and about six months into the new relationship things got strange. He had all kinds of women calling him at very inappropriate hours, then I would see comments that random women would make on his page and it all seemed sketchy to me. So one day, although it was an invasion of his privacy, I looked through his phone, e-mails and Facebook inbox and I found EXACTLY what I thought I would. There were naked pictures, sexually explicit conversations with women about what they did and how, and get this... One of those women was one of my best friends that we both grew up with. So my question is, how do I tell him that I know what I know without having to tell him that I invaded his privacy to do it?
Signed,
xxxxxx
Dear Xxxxxx,
First of all, you invading his privacy is now secondary to what you found. It also sounds like the question you want to ask is, "How do I confront him, but not lose the relationship?" Otherwise, you wouldn't care how he felt about you going through his stuff. And if that is the case, then why say anything at all? I have to say this though... You have to prepare yourself for the break-up because this is going to go one of two ways: 1. If you don't say anything, you'll end up being resentful and walking away anyway or 2. If you do say something he might try to turn it around on you and say he's walking away because you invaded his privacy and now it's all your fault. Either way dollface, this is over. So I would take a minute to assess the situation, gather all your facts (as in print out the e-mails and conversations and put it all in a binder and pull it out and kindly slide it over to his side of the table after he vehemently denies said infidelity). Don't confront him looking for an explanation, but confront him with the intent to let him know that you know the truth and decide what you want to do from there. I understand that it may not be that easy to walk away from someone you love, even under these circumstances. But I hope you find the strength to know and understand that you deserve more.
Love,
Ebby
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